“Falling in love was simple; one had only to yield. Digesting another person, however, and sustaining love, was bloody work, and not a soft job.”
― Hanif Kureishi, Midnight All Day
Teaching Hoop Dance (Hula –Hooping) has shown me a perspective on relationships. When a person first begins hooping the main goal is to keep the hoop moving around the waist. For some, this is very challenging. What I have noticed is that when someone gets the momentum going and has that “I’ve got it” feeling, they quit moving, lose the rhythm and the hoop falls. The student learns from the hoop dropping that it is important to maintain the rhythm of the movement and they learn techniques to bring the hoop back up: pumping faster, scooping up or spinning with the hoop. As the hooper progresses, new skills (tricks) are developed to keep the hoop in motion, to keep the exercise interesting and to challenge, expand and explore their creativity. They learn to hoop around different parts of their body, to use the hoop off the body, to dance with the hoop and to find the flow that works best for the individual.
In relationships, the beginning is exciting. We are exploring one another and learning what works, keeping the hoop spinning around our waists. In a sexual relationship, the hormones: serotonin, adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin are releasing giving us that euphoric, in-love feeling. As time continues, we become comfortable with one another, the hormones balance out and we have that “I’ve got this” attitude. The relationship is stable, but the excitement and thrill has faded. The hoop is going around the waist with minimal effort, and minimal stimulation.
“Let today be the day that you become committed in being, in doing, in getting, achieving, in experiencing. Let today be the day that you are committed to being the change you wish to see and living the life you wish to live.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
As in hooping, to keep the relationship fresh and exciting we can learn new tricks and techniques to enhance the dance. It begins with a commitment to the relationship, to co-create and to continue to find ways to expand and explore modalities that appeal to both partners. Each one of us has a unique notion of what is romantic, adoring, adventurous, and where are boundaries lie. As we learn more about our partners and ourselves we are able to go deeper into discovering what works and what does not work for the relationship. We can explore spontaneously when we have trust and confidence in the relationship and know we are loved and accepted.
I would like to offer a sweet Tantra technique of bonding and connecting.
Sitting astride in Yab-Yum or across from one another (whichever way is most comfortable for you), gently gaze into one another’s eyes. Allow yourself to deeply connect, open yourself and allow your partner to really see into you as you gaze into them. Begin to notice your breath, together as one breathe in, together as one breathe out. Allow your bodies to synchronize in breath, in heartbeat, in energy. As you continue to gaze into each other’s eyes, go even deeper. Notice the appreciation that you have for the person before you. Notice the appreciation you have for yourself for allowing yourself to be openhearted in this relationship. Ask yourself what is it that I love about this person? Gently smile into one another and continue the harmonizing breath as you admire, accept, and acknowledge the LOVE that you have for one another and the LOVE that you have for yourself.
Inhaling deeply together, squeeze on the pubococcygeus muscle (aka Kegels). Bring the energy up from the earth through the body and out the crown (top of your head). As you exhale, allow the energy to float down around you both creating a bubble of beautiful, sparkly, glittery energy that encircles you and holds you in a safe, sacred space. In your bubble, offer one another a sweet seductive smile and the rest is up to you…
Relationships are like hula- hooping, once you get the motion you must continue to move to keep the momentum going. If you stop or change the rhythm of the movement the hoop will respond by wavering or falling. In a relationship, it is important to maintain momentum and to change things up so they stay interesting. In hooping, we continue to expand our dance to explore boundaries and horizons to keep the flow interesting.
Be creative in the dance. Be creative in the relationship. And remembering what is truly important—the LOVE.
Keep the hoop up and keep the love alive!